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Femininity, Change, Beauty, and Influence

Darling Magazine is currently doing a series of articles called “Twelve Days of Darling” which refocuses and establishes what Darling is and what their mission really means to its readers. They are taking pieces of their mission and asking their readers to reflect on it. Personally, I love the concept of Darling and I look forward to see it grow and develop. Here is the Darling mission as a whole…

Day 1- What does femininity mean to you? Does it need to be reshaped in our culture?

Femininity. To me femininity means grace, class, and compassion. When I look up to women because they are feminine, they usually carry those traits. Femininity is holding yourself to a higher standard. It is having a certain aura which inspires the respect of males. It is being graceful in any situation, including clumsiness. It is keeping your speech pure and inspiring others to do the same. It is holding your baby for the first time. It is having kindness and forgiveness towards others, and yourself. Femininity is putting makeup on in the morning and taking it off at night.

Our culture does not support the idea of femininity; feminists removed that freedom long ago. If a woman shows femininity and speaks out about its benefits, society hushes her. Below, there are two pictures of the same girl. Our culture views the actions and behavior of the girl on the right as being feminine because she is being a strong female. However I believe our instincts tell us a different story. Between the two pictures, which supports your view of femininity?

 

We place so much value on being strong and powerful that we fail to acknowledge that femininity is strength and has power. I believe the concept of femininity needs to be brought back to our culture.

Day 2- What does it mean to be a catalyst? How can you be a positive vehicle of change in your circle of influence, regardless of its size?

A catalyst is a person or event that quickly causes change or action. To be a catalyst, a person would have to stand up and speak out for change to happen. They must be willing to take action to cause action. Being a vehicle of change, or a catalyst, in everyday life could be as simple as smiling as you grocery shop. It could be complaining less. It could be helping a friend with something they need. When those little, everyday parts of life become better the big parts become better.  

Day 3- Vanity is defined as being excessively absorbed in one’s own appearance or accomplishments. How is beauty distinctly different from vanity? 

Beauty is something that originates from inside of us, while vanity is the search for attention from others. Beauty is hope. It is serving others, not being self-centered. Beauty is the moment, not the glamour shot. It is joy. Beauty is confidence, not arrogance. Often we can be surprised by beauty, where it lies, because beauty is unexpected, dirty, intricate and complicated. It is distinctly different because true beauty cannot be faked, or bought, or made.

Day 4- What is the difference between a manipulator and an influencer? Can we be one and not the other? How?

Manipulation is to change in a skillful way for a particular purpose while influence is having the power to cause change without directly forcing it. I believe the main difference between a manipulator and an influencer is that a manipulator is directly forcing change while an influencer simply has the indirect power to cause change. Manipulation is blindness while influence is trust. It is entirely possible to be one and not the other, and doing so requires honesty, humility, and love. We can be great influencers if we are honest with one another, if we use what power we carry without pride, and doing it all in love.  

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Minority in a Box

              I have not been writing as much since school is in session, but this post is the result of some things that have been said in different classes I am currently taking. In diversity, one of the key points is how minorities are unable to be properly represented because of their lack of numbers. As a result, changes can be made that affect them without them being able to do anything about it. One the other hand, I have heard in my law class that some minority groups’ perspective do not reflect the majority and should not have an effect on citizens’ lives, i.e. the Tea Party.

  

         The case Schuette v. Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action was brought to the courts after fifty-eight percent of Michigan voters approved a ballot proposal in 2006, which banned racial, ethnic or sex-based preferential treatment in public education admissions, government contracting and public employment. However the plaintiff in this case is attempting to overturn the initiative under the argument that Michigan violated the Equal Protection Clause by banning affirmative action in its constitution. They are also using the argument that because the proposal was in regards to minorities, it would be impossible for the minorities to vote against the change because they do not have the numbers to do so.

       People’s hearts bleed for stories like this, it touches on most people’s compassion and search for justice. While I believe it is right for people to have a voice, I believe this is only acceptable in our culture if it is the right minority group being vocal. It is okay when the minority is in regards to race, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation, but if it is a minority in their opinion or faith, society pulls out the duct tape. I believe a minority opinion deserves as much respect and the chance to be heard as any other minority of race or lifestyle choice. Why does our culture glorify other minorities but rolls their eyes at the Tea Party? Minority status is not exclusive to religion or race, but to opinion as well. Our culture not only encourages the voice of a racial minority, but it elevates it, while someone with a minority opinion is shamed. 

       I am in no way disrespecting minorities, I am only pointing out the slanted view of who is a minority and who in that category deserves to be heard. I think it is time to call out this double-standard. Minority status encompasses so much more than what our culture allows. 

Confessions of a Retail Employee

Episode 3

      In the small town I reside there are many events that lure people to stroll the streets and hopefully stimulate some economy. This weekend was the Holy Grail of such events. Sidewalk Sales. Just the words bring a duffle bag of emotions to my mind. Sun, sweat, sales… that is the essence of this event. This is when the stores have their lowest sales of the summer and hope to clear out as much inventory to make room for the coming sweaters, scarves, and parkas.

      To me Sidewalk Sales means overtime, tired feet, and food. The ladies bring goodies to snack on throughout the long day and management provides a meal. Overtime is nice because it pays for luxuries like… insurance, textbooks, tuition. Sidewalk sales means my job changes from being behind a counter in air conditioning to standing outside in the sun making sure no ladies walk away with a rack of clothing. To be honest… if anybody tried this I would respond with “God bless them”. That would mean one less rack to roll in at the end of the day.

      It was nearing the end of my second day of Sidewalk Sales. Nine hours of being outside with the sun beaming on me and my skin was turning like a peach. I finally managed to find a stool to perch myself on and settled in when I noticed a lady waving at me down the block. She did not look familiar, but it could be a customer and, not wanting to offend, I smiled back. She got closer and said to me surprised “I don’t know you!” Oh my gosh this seems like something that would happen to me. She probably feels embarrassed. I respond with a laugh.

 She continues still in shock “You look just like my son’s girlfriend!”

Is this a new line or something? “Oh my gosh, I have a twin!” I reply joking.

“No really! You look just like her! They are headed to dinner and he said she was wearing a sundress, you are wearing a sundress. She always wears her hair pulled back like yours is now, and with the sun shining on your hair the color even looks the same! Your sunglasses even look like hers!” She tells me.

This… is… this is weird. “Oh wow. I really do have a twin! How funny!” I say.

“Yeah,” she says. “I was ready to call out ‘Hey Liz!’”

“Wait what? What is her name?”

“Her name is Liz…” She says confused.

“My name is Elizabeth,” I tell her.

“Oh my gosh. Her name is Elizabeth.”

Ya know… typical day at work. The next day I was helping a couple when the gentleman said I looked just like their waitress. I said jokingly “It’s my twin! Was her name Liz?” The look on his face... 

Confessions of a Retail Employee

Episode 2

 Sometimes I have to deal with some strange people in my job, and today was one of those days. Mr. Moneybags came into the store with the intent to buy some outfits for his wife who was having a birthday. This is not abnormal and we are trained for this. We know our merchandise and we know what would make good outfits. But nobody was trained for Mr. Moneybags. This man has money to burn and would love to have everybody’s attention while doing it. He came in with his demands and immediately the girl I was working with and I went… to work. We would follow him around getting the items he pointed at in sizes he needed, which was a chore since this guy was bouncing around like a speed addict with ADHD…

“I want that”, he says holding up a flowing white lace top “with the necklace too.”

“Okay, well… we don’t have that in a large,” I reply.

“What? Where did it go?!” he demands.

“Someone bought it already.”

“Ugh fine,” he says as he bounces to another spot in the store. I decide to look for a top that is similar to the one he wanted and walk a few steps away from him.

“Where did you go?” he asks looking around.

“I’m right here,” I say popping out from where I was looking.

“No you’re not. You’re away from me. You shouldn’t be away from me, you should be right by me. C’mon sell me something girls! I want outfits.”

I then explain why I was not right by him and he deems it a worthy excuse and immediately gets distracted by another top. It goes on like this for a while. He finds something he likes and tosses at me or the girl I was working with and demands pants, camisole, and a necklace to complete the outfit all while saying we are sleeping, slow, acting too old, or bad workers. He does all of this while yanking us in twelve directions with the attention span of a gnat.

“Oh I like this. This is fantastic,” he says as he caresses an Eileen Fisher top. “I want it. Get it for me in a large. Do you have it? I want it.”

“We do not have that in a large. We sold it as soon as it came in,” I say.

“What! To who?”

“I’m sorry?” I say confused.

“Who bought this top? Find them and get it back. They don’t deserve it.”

Now this irritates me. I can put up with his rudeness because he is going to spend a small fortune on these outfits, but do not say something like that. The lady who bought it was really kind and looked phenomenal in it.

“Everyone deserves our clothing,” I reply. Hey, kill them with kindness, right?

“…Okay,” he says.

After picking out seven or eight outfits, he gives us instructions to choose jewelry and box everything up for him and have it ready when he gets back. Oh, and to pick out some dresses… like eight. As he leaves he calls out “The sky’s the limit! I’m going to buy the Empire State building!” Now this brings some chuckles from the ladies who were in the store. They had been there during the whole tornado and heard everything.

“Is he serious?” one asks.

“Oh yeah,” I reply.

“There is no limit?” the other asks.

“Nope,” I say. “He’s got money to spend.”

“Boy is he something else,” she says. Yeah, that’s one way of putting it.

Then I turn to the girl I was working with. “We should pick out some of our most expensive jewelry and put it on the outfits. They are all going to be in boxes when he gets back and will only know what the whole bill is…” I say to her. The ladies start to chuckle. We all agree it’s a plan and I pick out a necklace that is over three hundred dollars. I decided to put it on one of the dresses I had picked out to show him. When he gets back, I show it to him and the ladies add in their approval. He offers to buy them each outfits. They laugh. I want to know where mine is…

P. S. He only had time for the initial nine outfits and is planning on coming back tomorrow to see the rest. We’ll see if the necklace is sold by then.

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Independence Day

     On a recent road trip I learned many things about our dear country. I thought I knew a lot about our county’s history and how it established itself, however I was basically informed most of it was incorrect. Excuse me for believing our history books… On this wonderful day that celebrates the founding of our nation I will let you in on some of the secrets I discovered.

    First, we are not sure that Betsy Ross sewed the first American flag. But it makes for a great story. Also, if you are ever in Philadelphia the house that they claim to be “The Betsy Ross House” probably is not. Across the street is a flag making shop that has been in business for centuries. The rumor is that the business purchased the property across the street from the store and established it as “The Betsy Ross House”. Smart, eh? Don’t fall for it though.

    Second, the Liberty Bell was never rung on the 4^th in celebration of independence. I was informed that the tower it would have been in would not have been able to actually hold the bell due to its weight. The story is that after people learned about the Declaration, a party began and the Liberty Bell was rung until it cracked. But that is not true. The Liberty Bell cracked because it was poorly cast and likely was fully intact during the founding of our nation. Also, it was never called the Liberty Bell until much later, and in fact was actually the State House Bell.

    Lastly, if we are to properly celebrate our nation’s independence from the great country of Britain we should have been having picnics and lighting fireworks two days ago. The Second Continental Congress approved declaring independence on July 2, 1776. They first voted for this on the first of July but they did not get enough votes to approve it and it was not until the next day they there were enough votes in favor to move forward. It was on July 4^th that Congress approved the revised version of the Declaration. It was on the fourth that our country’s independence became public. The Declaration of Independence is a press release that was published on July 4^th 1776. John Adams to write his wife, "I am apt to believe that [July 2, 1776], will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival."

    So on this day celebrate what is important, which is not a bell or a flag or a piece of precious paper. Celebrate freedom. Celebrate what we have. Fight for what we, and others, should have.

“Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigues of supporting it”- Thomas Paine from The American Crisis

Confessions of a Retail Employee

Episode 1

     I thought it would be fun to give an inside look to what means to work in retail. The most recent episode happened on Saturday, which was pretty slow since it was chilly. It was so slow that the lady I was working with and I managed to cover a variety of topics from ABBA to sweet tea. Things had long been organized, cleaned, and straightened. Sometimes there is nothing to do but to wait for people to come in the store. We just wait, holding down the fort. So as I was saying, the lady I was working with (let’s call her Marg) and I were chatting when the phone rings. Oh, I was so happy to have something to do! The phone! “I’ll get it”, I calmly say to Marg. Oh, the phone. What a fantastic invention! You can call people and answer it and take it with you because there’s no cord! The phone. What a fantastic invention. I think all of this as I sprint to the counter where the phone sits.

“Hello! This is Elizabeth” I say into the wonderful piece of technology.

“H-h-helllloooo?” An elderly woman says back.

“Hello!” I reply.

“Umm… I… I… uhhhh… I was wondering if… I… oh I can’t think of the word!” She says and then releases a high pitched giggle. This lady sounds drunk. And its only quarter to four. “Oh my… I was [giggles again]… uhh… if poooolllllice?” She says.

The police! Holy crap heart attack! I would pick up some strange phone call where someone means to call the police but they dial the wrong number. Why did I pick up the phone?! I hate the phone!

   

“The police?” I ask back quietly hoping to not draw attention to myself. Marg gives me a panicked look. Opp fail. I mouth ‘that is what she said!’ to her.

“Noooo! Not the police” she says in an ‘of course not the police you idiot’ way. “Patrice!” she says.

“Oh, Patrice! No, Patrice is not here today” I say. I go on to ask if there’s anything I can do to help. After hanging up I tell Marg the whole story, including who the lady was (in helping her I got her full name) and why I practically yelled out ‘police’ while on the phone.

Marg replies “Oh her… yeah I could see her being tipsy at four”.

Patrice. Police. Same difference.

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Equality in College Admissions

                 There are many people who have played an important role in the journey to equality for all. The most notable of those people include Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Abraham Lincoln, and Martin Luther King Jr. Each person has played an intricate part in eliminating discrimination and inequality in our country, however the journey is not complete and much remains to be done to ensure equality for all. Colleges across the United States of America are allowed to use race to determine who is admitted. Under the front of promoting diversity in the classroom, and the fact that the process is narrowly tailored to achieve this, minorities are given an advantage in the admissions process. I believe that the equality that Martin Luther King Jr. spoke of is one where people are not judged on the basis of their color, and the college admissions process does not uphold that ideal.

       Martin Luther King Jr., a civil rights activist, delivered a speech in 1963 that would become famous in the history of civil rights and our nation. His speech spoke of a better America, one where color would not play a factor in another person’s perception. In his speech, King said that day would go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the United States, and he was correct (King Jr., 1963). His speech became a symbol, a challenge for what kind of society and culture we as American people should strive for, a society of equality and fairness. King said in his speech, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character” and I believe that is the equality he was striving for (King Jr., 1963). Martin Luther King, Jr. implored for a nation that would look at people based on who they are as an individual and not based on the color of their skin. I desire the same equality, however I believe that by allowing race to be a factor, even a small factor, in determining college admissions we are doing the opposite of what King desired.

          In 1963, many people still had prejudice against minorities, especially African-Americans, and this prejudice flowed into the schools. Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream was advanced for the culture, and programs were approved in order to bring equality to the United States. Affirmative action, a phrase introduced by the Kennedy administration, was intended to be a tool to ensure equal employment and educational opportunity. When that was mandated by the president, the country was of a different culture than today. The Civil War had long been won, but a decade later most people still held prejudice against African-Americans, often limiting their chances at employment, education, and even where they could do their laundry. They were free, however they were restricted. The efforts resulted in the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 which mandated the desegregation in public educational institutions (Moreno, 2003). The programs put in place, such as affirmative action, were meant to ease the divide that still held the nation.

       While those plans were important in bringing the country together and eliminating the divide that still held the nation, such programs have elements that no longer seem necessary today. We no longer live in a country where African- Americans, or any minority, are openly restricted in how they live their life. They have the same freedoms that any United States citizen has, yet we still deem it necessary to include race as a factor in college admissions. Martin Luther King Jr.’s words call for a country where individuals are judged on their character and not the color of their skin, however today his children would be judged on the color of their skin when applying for college.

        Most colleges are allowed to use race as a factor for admissions under the argument that this will bring a more diverse component to the classroom. Eboni S. Nelson, associate professor at the University of South Carolina School of Law, said “affirmative action’s ability to successfully increase minority enrollment has been shown to improve both white and minority students’ learning, specifically by creating a diverse learning environment in which students are exposed to a variety of viewpoints and experiences” (Washington, 2013). While it is true that a variety of viewpoints and experiences improve the learning environment, it is wrong to assume that such variety can be achieved on the basis of race. A variety of viewpoints and experiences can be achieved from how people were raised differently, where they lived, where they went to school, what activities they were involved in, or how traveled they are. Race is not the only way to gain a viewpoint or experience.

          In 1978, Justice Harry Blackmun, in the Supreme Court’s Bakke case, argued for affirmative action because he believes in order to get beyond racism, we must first take account of race, that there is no other way, and that in order to treat some persons equally we must treat them differently (Moreno, 2003). I disagree with that belief, and I believe that the way to treat people equally is to simply do so. Our culture today is different than what it was in 1978, it is more open to diversity and individuality. Of course, today’s culture is not perfect, but I believe we are long past the days when race defines the ability of an individual. Justice Clarence Thomas said that he believes African-Americans can achieve in every avenue of American life without the meddling of university administrators, and I wholeheartedly agree (Elder, 2003).  As long as the court continues to allow colleges to use race as a factor in college admissions we have not reached equality for all.

         While many believe we will one day come to a point where affirmative action is no longer necessary, they do not see it as something that we can achieve currently. Justice Sandra Day O’Connor wrote “the court expects that 25 years from now the use of racial preferences will no longer be necessary” (Elder, 2003). In 1963 Whitney Young, then the National Urban League President, proposed a “Marshall Plan” which sought to eradicate ghettos and increase spending on education, housing, vocational training and health services (Williams, 2002). Although Young only expected “the Plan” to last 10 years we still see its effects today, and according to Justice Sandra Day O’Conner, should expect to for another 25 years (Elder, 2003). However such programs are outdated for our culture.

          Our nation is no longer limited to such closed principles that people hold the same prejudices against African-Americans that they did in the past. The United States I know is where opportunity is everywhere and anyone can attempt to achieve their dreams. I believe people should not be judged on the basis of the color of their skin; however colleges do this daily when they assume someone with white skin has less to offer from their personal perspective or experience than someone with colored skin. The Constitution is colorblind and the equal protection clause on the 14^th Amendment prohibits the government from treating people differently because of race (Hannah-Jones, 2013). This means that colleges allotting African-American students, or any minority, extra points in the admissions process for their race is not constitutional because they are being treated differently because of it.  

          The topic of affirmative action in college admissions is much discussed today, and I hope that such factors will no longer exist when my future children are applying for college. I have the same dream as Martin Luther King Jr., I hope that people will be judged not on the color of their skin but on their character. A person has no choice in what color skin they are born with, including people with white skin. Colleges should admit people based on their academic achievements and their extracurricular activities, and essentially the content of their character, rather than letting race play a role in the process. What remains to be done today to ensure equality for all and to eliminate discrimination is to change the college admissions process to no longer allow race to be a factor.

References

Elder, L. (2003, July 3). Larry Elder: Columnists: Townhall. Retrieved from Townhall: http://townhall.com/columnists/larryelder/2003/07/03/colorblindness_rejected_by_the_supreme_court/page/full/

Hannah-Jones, N. (2013, March 18). A Colorblind Constitution: Articles: ProPublica. Retrieved from ProPublica: http://www.propublica.org/article/a-colorblind-constitution-what-abigail-fishers-affirmative-action-case-is-r

King Jr., M. L. (1963). Dream Speech: Exhibits: Press: National Archives . Retrieved from National Archives: http://www.archives.gov/press/exhibits/dream-speech.pdf

Moreno, P. B. (2003). The History of Affirmative Action Law and Its Relation to College Admission. Journal of College Admission, 14-21.

Washington, A. T. (2013, April 24). The Race Question. Chronicle Of Higher Education, pp. 44-48.

Williams, R. (2002, February 1). News Article: News: U.S. Department of Defense. Retrieved from U.S. Department of Defense: http://www.defense.gov/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=43988

  

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                                                          My Birthday

     My birthday is a bittersweet kind of day. It marks the day when my life took a sharp turn. On my sixteenth birthday I got home from work to the news that my dad lost his job. That kind of news can take the celebratory mood away from any day much less one’s birthday. And I’m pretty certain when my dad told me he lost his job I said “You’re kidding”. I honestly didn’t really believe him… until he didn’t go to work the next day. Fast forward a year and I was spending my birthday packing boxes to move.

      Don’t get me wrong, I love my life up here, but there is something to be said for home. The place I grew up. Where I learned how to ride a bike. Where I opened my American girl doll on Christmas morning. Where I practiced hours of piano. Where Sunday afternoons were spent together eating food and aimlessly looking at ads in the newspaper. There is something to be said for home. So while most people get excited about their birthday I am usually feeling pretty nostalgic. It reminds me of change (of which I’m not a huge enthusiast) and what I had to leave behind.

     Despite my sometimes melancholy mood about my birthday, today I am feeling pretty blessed. Mims, sunshine, cheesecake, singing, lotion, and a new board game. These may seem like random unimportant things, but they mean something to me. They remind me of the people in my life. If it were not for that I would only be thinking about the sad part of my birthday, but these things make me feel pretty blessed.   

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                                      February 14^th

        Folks, it’s just a date on the calendar. Stop letting it affect your outlook on life. Every other day of the year we belt the melodies of love and loss as we drive our cars, take a shower, or cook a quesadilla. But as soon as February 14^th comes up people start to become the worst skeptics of love. Sure the aisles at Walgreens and Meijer are bursting with pink and red paraphernalia, but should that prevent us from stopping to think about the people in our lives we love and appreciate? February 14^th is as commercialized as December 25^th but that doesn’t stop me from celebrating and observing Christmas and what is behind it.

       Yes, Valentine’s Day is the drama queen of holidays. Yes, middle school dances and Spongebob valentines are ridiculous. But my parents pausing in the chaos of life to go out for dinner? Not ridiculous at all.  Our culture over thinks this day. It used to be cute valentines that were made by hand. They were thoughtful. It’s our own fault February 14^th is the beast it is. Our culture has put the emphasis on these elements that supposedly make the day special.  

       Taking the time to stop and appreciate the people in your life is worth it. Doesn’t matter what date is on the calendar. Forget the carnations, shut up and just pause (besides carnations are not even pretty).