Confessions of a Retail Employee

Episode 2

 Sometimes I have to deal with some strange people in my job, and today was one of those days. Mr. Moneybags came into the store with the intent to buy some outfits for his wife who was having a birthday. This is not abnormal and we are trained for this. We know our merchandise and we know what would make good outfits. But nobody was trained for Mr. Moneybags. This man has money to burn and would love to have everybody’s attention while doing it. He came in with his demands and immediately the girl I was working with and I went… to work. We would follow him around getting the items he pointed at in sizes he needed, which was a chore since this guy was bouncing around like a speed addict with ADHD…

“I want that”, he says holding up a flowing white lace top “with the necklace too.”

“Okay, well… we don’t have that in a large,” I reply.

“What? Where did it go?!” he demands.

“Someone bought it already.”

“Ugh fine,” he says as he bounces to another spot in the store. I decide to look for a top that is similar to the one he wanted and walk a few steps away from him.

“Where did you go?” he asks looking around.

“I’m right here,” I say popping out from where I was looking.

“No you’re not. You’re away from me. You shouldn’t be away from me, you should be right by me. C’mon sell me something girls! I want outfits.”

I then explain why I was not right by him and he deems it a worthy excuse and immediately gets distracted by another top. It goes on like this for a while. He finds something he likes and tosses at me or the girl I was working with and demands pants, camisole, and a necklace to complete the outfit all while saying we are sleeping, slow, acting too old, or bad workers. He does all of this while yanking us in twelve directions with the attention span of a gnat.

“Oh I like this. This is fantastic,” he says as he caresses an Eileen Fisher top. “I want it. Get it for me in a large. Do you have it? I want it.”

“We do not have that in a large. We sold it as soon as it came in,” I say.

“What! To who?”

“I’m sorry?” I say confused.

“Who bought this top? Find them and get it back. They don’t deserve it.”

Now this irritates me. I can put up with his rudeness because he is going to spend a small fortune on these outfits, but do not say something like that. The lady who bought it was really kind and looked phenomenal in it.

“Everyone deserves our clothing,” I reply. Hey, kill them with kindness, right?

“…Okay,” he says.

After picking out seven or eight outfits, he gives us instructions to choose jewelry and box everything up for him and have it ready when he gets back. Oh, and to pick out some dresses… like eight. As he leaves he calls out “The sky’s the limit! I’m going to buy the Empire State building!” Now this brings some chuckles from the ladies who were in the store. They had been there during the whole tornado and heard everything.

“Is he serious?” one asks.

“Oh yeah,” I reply.

“There is no limit?” the other asks.

“Nope,” I say. “He’s got money to spend.”

“Boy is he something else,” she says. Yeah, that’s one way of putting it.

Then I turn to the girl I was working with. “We should pick out some of our most expensive jewelry and put it on the outfits. They are all going to be in boxes when he gets back and will only know what the whole bill is…” I say to her. The ladies start to chuckle. We all agree it’s a plan and I pick out a necklace that is over three hundred dollars. I decided to put it on one of the dresses I had picked out to show him. When he gets back, I show it to him and the ladies add in their approval. He offers to buy them each outfits. They laugh. I want to know where mine is…

P. S. He only had time for the initial nine outfits and is planning on coming back tomorrow to see the rest. We’ll see if the necklace is sold by then.