Confessions of a Retail Employee

Episode 1

     I thought it would be fun to give an inside look to what means to work in retail. The most recent episode happened on Saturday, which was pretty slow since it was chilly. It was so slow that the lady I was working with and I managed to cover a variety of topics from ABBA to sweet tea. Things had long been organized, cleaned, and straightened. Sometimes there is nothing to do but to wait for people to come in the store. We just wait, holding down the fort. So as I was saying, the lady I was working with (let’s call her Marg) and I were chatting when the phone rings. Oh, I was so happy to have something to do! The phone! “I’ll get it”, I calmly say to Marg. Oh, the phone. What a fantastic invention! You can call people and answer it and take it with you because there’s no cord! The phone. What a fantastic invention. I think all of this as I sprint to the counter where the phone sits.

“Hello! This is Elizabeth” I say into the wonderful piece of technology.

“H-h-helllloooo?” An elderly woman says back.

“Hello!” I reply.

“Umm… I… I… uhhhh… I was wondering if… I… oh I can’t think of the word!” She says and then releases a high pitched giggle. This lady sounds drunk. And its only quarter to four. “Oh my… I was [giggles again]… uhh… if poooolllllice?” She says.

The police! Holy crap heart attack! I would pick up some strange phone call where someone means to call the police but they dial the wrong number. Why did I pick up the phone?! I hate the phone!

   

“The police?” I ask back quietly hoping to not draw attention to myself. Marg gives me a panicked look. Opp fail. I mouth ‘that is what she said!’ to her.

“Noooo! Not the police” she says in an ‘of course not the police you idiot’ way. “Patrice!” she says.

“Oh, Patrice! No, Patrice is not here today” I say. I go on to ask if there’s anything I can do to help. After hanging up I tell Marg the whole story, including who the lady was (in helping her I got her full name) and why I practically yelled out ‘police’ while on the phone.

Marg replies “Oh her… yeah I could see her being tipsy at four”.

Patrice. Police. Same difference.